Hi Ted,

Season’s greetings from your favorite frozen Inuit friends up here on the 9th floor, office 9116!

Not sure if you’ve noticed but, sometime over the unusually warm weekend, the offices next to us tragically are no longer where they used to be.  Sadly, the effects of global warming and the melting polar caps must have caused some sort of giant glacial shift, whereby these offices fell victim to its path – and were swept away.

On a more positive note, due to the unusually warm weekend, Kirk, Jules and I discovered a perfectly preserved person buried within our office in a block of ice.  After about 6.5 hours chiseling away various ice sculptures, we were able to finally get her out.

Needless to say, her motor and cognitive skills are severely damaged and her identity remains a mystery.  To this point, we’ve gone ahead and given her a temporary nickname, “Encino Woman.”   Although…now that I think about this for a second, it’s kind of weird that whenever we call her “Encino Woman,” she whispers in an almost violent shiver back to us -  “Heat…her.”  Do you think she’s still cold and wants a “heater” or do you think her name is “Heather?”  Regardless, she’ll always be our Encino Woman…

On that note, please let us know if there are any plans on sending help our way.  We’ve been able to stream some Man vs. Wild episodes via internet.  Specifically, Season 4: Episode 1 where Bear Grylls heads for the icy wastes of the Arctic Circle, and tackles a frozen waterfall, hunts wild reindeer and battles against some of the coldest conditions on the planet…so, we’re learning how to make the necessary adjustments to survive.  However, it really would be great if we could receive some portable heaters and avoid using the wood from the couch to make a fire.

Thanks!

Hi Ted,

I’m not sure if you’ve received my earlier email as I fear the internet wires have frozen over, and the roads leading to our office along the “information super highway” have been detoured.  To that point, I also fear this follow up email may not reach you as well but, since we aren’t equipped with a flair gun or an emergency kit, I will continue to try and reach out to you.

Per my earlier note, we are quickly approaching hyperthermia and our motor skills seem to be diminishing equally as fast.  Jules has lost all coordination in her left extremities and as a result, walks in circles.  Meanwhile, Kirk has completely lost the ability to type with his fingers and has resorted to using his big toe and nose to what can only be described as – “jabbing at the keyboard.” Consequently, all capitalization of letters is completely lost and futile.

With all this, we still remain hopeful.  Largely in part because we believe if a Miami dentist, who inherits a team of sled dogs and can man an iditarod – ala Cuba Gooding Jr. in the feel good 2002 movie, “Snow Dogs”…surely, there must be a rescue team stationed near by that can reach us…?  Perhaps, you can reach out to Paul Walker and his team of dogs for assistance?  As you may recall in 2006, from the heart-tugging and inspirational movie – “Eight Below,” the brutal cold forced 2 Antarctic explorers to leave their sled of dogs behind as they fended for their lives…with only their courage, hope and will to survive.  In turn, so do we…

Again, we are located on the 9th floor in office 9116 — if you get to the March of Penguins, you’ve gone too far.  Additionally, I’ve attached a picture of  myself next to the office in order to better help you find us.

Thanks!

With that, below is an email sent to Ted, the building manager where I work requesting they do something about working in a freezing office on 09.30.10.

Hi Ted,

I think Kirk and Jules have both reached out to you earlier regarding our office being ridiculously cold.  Is there anything that can be done because we’re about 2 degrees celsius off, and just under 3.5 minutes away from all getting frost bite?

In just typing this email, my hands are so cold that I feel like I’m typing with 10 little ice cubes.   That said, I just gave permission to my office mates to eat me should I freeze to death and they somehow manage to survive.

To give you an indication of how just how cold it is…here are some true and real time facts:

1) I’m currently wearing a t-shirt, a long sleeve shirt and a sweater…and am STILL cold

2) A can of soda has been sitting on my desk the last 2 weeks at room temperature and feels like it’s been in the fridge

Are there any portable space heaters that we can use?  Perhaps some extra scraps of wood laying around from the remodeling being done so we can start a fire…or maybe a blow-torch…flame thrower…or a heating pad at the very least?  We’re getting pretty desperate here and would consider even using lighters or matches…or tobasco sauce.

If you’d like to stop by to experience and understand the phrase, “Cool Alaskan air” first-hand, we’re on the 9th floor in office 9116 (directly across from the glacier that sank the Titanic and just above “Hell Freezing” over).

*Please note,  it’s BYOP (bring your own parka).

Thanks!

Foursquare offers reward for checking in after STD checkups

While the results of an STD test are generally confidential, the decision to get such a check-up can now be more public.

Foursquare, the social network that allows members to broadcast their location and activities, has joined forces with MTV in an effort to remove the stigma attached with getting screened for sexually transmitted diseases. Members who “check in” for an STD test during the month of September will receive a special virtual “badge.” According to The Associated Press, the badge is one part of the cable network’s “GYT: Get Yourself Tested” campaign, which also encourages open communication with parents, partners and health care providers. To find your local testing center, click here, or text your zip code to GYTNOW (498669) on your cell phone.

More than 19 million new cases of STDs are contracted in the U.S. every year, and half of those cases will occur in people between the ages of 15 and 24. What’s worse, many who have chlamydia, trichomoniasis, gonorrhea, HPV, syphilis, hepatitis B or HIV don’t even know it. All STDs are treatable and many are curable, but the key is to get tested.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends everyone between the ages of 13 and 64 get tested for HIV as a matter of routine health care. Anyone who has had unprotected sex, or who has injected drugs, or has had a partner who has done either of these things, or whose partner’s other partners may have done these things, may have contracted an STD.

To reduce the risk, know your health status and the status of your partner. Get tested regularly. If your test comes back negative, stay negative by practicing safe sex — abstinence, monogamy, birth control, condoms — and not sharing needles. If the test comes back positive, get treated immediately. Treatment will help prevent serious health effects and reduce the risk of exposing others.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynewspoint/20100831/ts_ynewspoint/ynewspoint_ts3520

2) The Humidity + Waiting on the Subway Platforms — the first 5 weeks here, the humidity was beyond ridiculous and elevated to just plain – angry F-U level.  I’m talking about the type of humidity that when you  step outside,  the first thing you say is,  “UGH – WTF!”  To top it off, you’ve gotta to downstairs to take the subway and feel like you’re part of some filthy rat infested stew that Satan himself is cooking.

3) Tow Trucks, Parking Rules/Regulations — there’s nothing better than having your car towed the first night after just receiving it from being transported cross country.  Wait…I lied and I take that back…the only thing that’s better is getting 2 tickets for parking 10 feet from a fire hydrant – when NY law says it needs to be 15 feet and THEN……getting it towed.   BTW – a very close runner up is paying $205 to get the car out of impound and looking forward to paying $230 for the 2 fire hydrant tickets.

4) Craigslist Apartment Postings – my friend made a very good observation about Craigslist…specifically in NY.  In other markets like Chicago or LA, Craigslist is an incredibly useful site and resource.  However, Craigslist for NY has got to be the biggest fuggin’ joke and waste of time!  You’ve got brokers posting their apartment listings  in sections that they shouldn’t be…you’ve got the same listing 200x over – in the wrong neighborhoods but with slightly modified copy…incomplete listings…bottom line, it’s a complete shit show.

5)  Overweight Brooklyn Commuters — pound for pound, the commuters coming in and out of Brooklyn have got to be the heaviest people I’ve ever seen.  I know, I sound like a dick…but these people are like slow moving planets and when you put them in orbit with the “angry F-U level” humidity I noted earlier…you’ll understand.

6)  The Slowest Fast Food Workers with 2 Legs — I don’t get how it could so difficult to take someone’s order, grab the food and drink from the minimum wage cookers in the back, receive and exchange payment, put the food in a bag and hand it to me…all within 4 minutes.  There is no reason it should take 12 mins to complete this transaction…a one legged monkey on crutches could do it in 9.

7) The Mountains of Trash Stacked on the Streets  — I am amazed at how much trash this city accumulates in a day.  Every night, I feel like there is a life-sized replica of either the Rocky, Appalachian, or Swiss Mountains.   It’s both impressive and disgusting at the same time.

8)  $12 Domestic Beer and $13 Cigarettes — The average person drinks 4 beers at a bar so immediately, set aside $52 ($48 for the beers $4 for the tip).  Say you smoke, add $13 and you’re at $65…which is at a minimum.  Factor in cabs…bar hopping and late night eats and…yeah, you’re screwed.

9) Bed Bugs — my first week at my new job they found 2 bed bugs.  So, they closed the office so they could fumigate the building.  Normally I’d be stoked…I mean, day off on a Friday too right?  But…1) It was my first week here and I didn’t get the memo – so woke up early and came to work to find it was closed…and 2) it’s bed bugs…in an office…WTF?!?

10) Having your would be Supervisor (who was also a big influence in relocating and accepting the job)…tell you he’s resigned the first week of work

*OH! And let me give a special honorary mention to World Moving Services (1-888-742-6683) for fuggin’ up EVERY single part of  the transpor process!   Shout outs to Thomas xt.405,  Lamar xt.403,  Danny xt. 311,  Samuel xt. 208 and Cheryl xt. 314

1.  Net neutrality is the principle that advocates all Internet traffic be treated equally.

2.  Proponents of net neutrality fear that Internet and phone companies will create a 2-tiered Internet with a so-called, “fast lane” and “slow lane,” with access to the fast lane for a premium price.

3.  There are 3 principle definitions of net neutrality:

4.  In 2005, the FCC issued an Internet policy statement outlining 4 principles of open Internet which consumers are entitled to:

5.  Arguments IN FAVOR of net neutrality:

6.  High profile advocates FOR net neutrality:

7.  Arguments AGAINST net neutrality:

8.  High profile advocates AGAINST net neutrality (primarily made up of larger hardware companies and cable/telecom companies):

9.  Despite previously speaking out in favor of net neutrality, Google recently proposed an agreement with Verizon that would allow for the creation of a higher speed “private” Internet that sites could pay a premium to use.

10.  The FCC recently halted closed door meetings with several large Internet companies after massive public outcry

11.  The Internet Freedom Preservation Act of 2009 was introduced in Congress by Rep. Ed Markey (D-MA) and Anna Eshoo (D-CA) in an effort to make net neutrality the law of the land.

What makes this scene so great is, the raw vulnerability found through the stillness of everything at that exact moment…colliding with Andrew’s honest admission of the past and present to finally come face-to-face with the gravity of everything that’s happened.

For all intents and purposes…or maybe instead…for lack of any better explanations…I feel like I’m in it right now.  What’s more is, I can’t seem to shake thoughts of my family, friends, the past and present, work, LA, NY, life in general and an all together hollowed emptiness that’s been swirling in my head for the last month or so.  In trying to get out of it, I feel like I’ve been grasping to find a sense of normalcy, but for one reason or another, the feeling of normal has been a fleeting one…and I know I’m still in it.

And though the easy and obvious explanation can be attributed to transitioning to a different city, I don’t think it really is entirely.   I mean, I’ve moved to a few new cities before and I’ve never been this “in it” as I am now.  What’s more, having lived here twice before with an established group of good friends, you would think the transition would/should be seamless so again…I think it’s more than just this.  To make this even more convoluted, the one person I probably  should be turning to, I haven’t…at least for now, because as Sam puts it, “I’m, like, working something out in my head.”

I know, this entry is vague and I wish could divulge more…but the truth is – it’s pretty difficult to articulate an answer to the question “why.”   To that end, there really isn’t a point to this entry except for me to actually admit and recognize aloud the past and present and hopefully come face-to-face with the gravity of everything at some point.

Facebook in itself, has been an incredible phenomenon that nobody would/could have predicted.  That said, there are several areas which I feel and believe will dictate the next evolution in concert and beyond the social media/networking movement.  Some of these are:

1) Location-Based/Geo-targeted Services and more specifically, a huge migration towards leveraging and expanding mobile capabilities.  In turn, this is…or will be the next big “explosion.”

• Points in case are Foursquare, SCVNGR, the integration of augmented reality/QR codes within map applications

2) Data Collection – whether it’s curated or consolidated, with all the social networks out there – the aggregation of data is being collected in building profiles.  What or how marketers/advertisers do with all this profiled data will be huge, but for now, it’s just a matter of time before some really cool shit comes out of it.  And even more, until that time comes…the frameworks for data relevance are continually being built that support this feeling.

• Points in case can be found by what Facebook has been trying to do via their Beacon and Open Graph initiatives.  Additionally, there’s a new search engine that’s specific to finding out what’s being trended on Facebook called “Booshaka” (Booshaka shows you what’s trending on Facebook — right now. Booshaka aims to show the freshest, most relevant posts across the social web.)

3) I also think that the internet is moving closer and closer to a point or regulation.  If this will actually come to fruition, who knows?  But as contradicting to the initial purpose and idea of what the “world wide web” is/was supposed to represent – with all the personal information that’s given away so freely and unbeknownst, combined with faster and broader infrastructures becoming more and more readily available…the flood gates are slowly cracking open and the FCC and other watchdogs knows this.

• Points in case are the ongoing privacy debate, as well as “net neutrality.”   Of more recent relevance, is the current brouhaha around Google’s recent net neutrality proposal with Verizon

…I’m just sayin’…

~Enjoy and Download Here~

The Great Salt Lake – Band of Horse
Mixed Bizness/Highway To Hell – AC/DC vs Beck
SunShower – Chris Cornell
Life In Technicolor II – Coldplay
Separated At Birth – DJ Format
Rap Machine – DJ Format
The Weight Of The World – Editors
Am I Right – Erasure
Walking After You – Foo Fighters
Black and Blue – Miike Snow
Sinnerman – Nina Simone
Every You Every Me – Placebo
Guerilla Radio – Rage Against The Machine
Empty – Ray LaMontagne
Three More Days – Ray LaMontagne
Soul To Squeeze – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Portions For Foxes – Rilo Kiley
Lazy Eye (Jason Bentley Remix) – Silversun Pickups
Well Thought Out Twinkles – Silversun Pickups
My Coco – Stellastarr
Ask Me Anything – The Strokes
The Pot – Tool
Vicarious – Tool
The Good Life – Weezer

The unicorn legend is different from most superstitions in that it has lasted longer and has been shared by the most enlightened minds of all nations.  -  Andrea Bacci, 16th Century botanist and physician

For those that have passed through the doors and worked at the ole’ 5353  in Mar Vista (from 2007 – present)…you probably know, or have at least heard about the mythical woodland creature known as……*dramatic pause and in a whispered voice for effect*……”The Unicorn.“

Also known by many other names within both the greater Los Angeles area and advertising world,  “The Unicorn” has become a part of most mythologies and traditions to become a marvelous creature of hope and possibilities.

Nobody’s really sure how the actual name, “The Unicorn” came about…nor who had the spark of genius in dubbing her, “The Unicorn.”  What’s more, the large majority don’t even know where “The Unicorn” sits or what she does at the 5353…let alone her real name.  I’ve even heard rumors of someone dressing up as “the pregnant Unicorn” the Halloween when the “real Unicorn” was pregnant.   *Side Note:  if the rumor is true, you’ve gotta agree – kudos for the creativity!  However, unlike the false sightings, footage and testimonial accounts of the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot…“The Unicorn” is real, and random sightings occur daily.

For over 2 years…I knew her as, “The Unicorn” and it was only at the end of my time at the 5353 that “The Unicorn” and I became friends.  That said, “The Unicorn” really isn’t a mythical woodland creature, but a 1/2 Mexican…1/2 Canadian-French dork who listens to Celine Dion’ Greatest Hits sing in Spanish…and often confuses this with the late Mexican-American singer-songwriter, dancer, model, fashion designer, actress, and record producer, (who has been called “The Queen of Tejano music”) – Selina.  Furthermore, she’s surprisingly funny with a wildly inappropriate sense of humor driven from a deep dark rooted organ she calls her heart.   If you don’t believe me…check out her blog, “Complaining Is My Forte” as proof in da puddin’!