Dear Building Manager

I know, it’s been a while since I’ve written…muh-bad. Anyway, I created a new category called, “Emails” – and this category is dedicated to emails (work or personal) that are too good not to share!

With that, below is an email sent to Ted, the building manager where I work requesting they do something about working in a freezing office on 09.30.10.

Hi Ted,

I think Kirk and Jules have both reached out to you earlier regarding our office being ridiculously cold. Is there anything that can be done because we’re about 2 degrees celsius off, and just under 3.5 minutes away from all getting frost bite?

In just typing this email, my hands are so cold that I feel like I’m typing with 10 little ice cubes. That said, I just gave permission to my office mates to eat me should I freeze to death and they somehow manage to survive.

To give you an indication of how just how cold it is…here are some true and real time facts:

1) I’m currently wearing a t-shirt, a long sleeve shirt and a sweater…and am STILL cold

2) A can of soda has been sitting on my desk the last 2 weeks at room temperature and feels like it’s been in the fridge

Are there any portable space heaters that we can use? Perhaps some extra scraps of wood laying around from the remodeling being done so we can start a fire…or maybe a blow-torch…flame thrower…or a heating pad at the very least? We’re getting pretty desperate here and would consider even using lighters or matches…or tobasco sauce.

If you’d like to stop by to experience and understand the phrase, “Cool Alaskan air” first-hand, we’re on the 9th floor in office 9116 (directly across from the glacier that sank the Titanic and just above “Hell Freezing” over).

*Please note, it’s BYOP (bring your own parka).

Thanks!