Building Manager – More Follow Up

Still no word from Ted…so, I’ve sent another email today (10.11.10).

Hi Ted,

Season’s greetings from your favorite frozen Inuit friends up here on the 9th floor, office 9116!

Not sure if you’ve noticed but, sometime over the unusually warm weekend, the offices next to us tragically are no longer where they used to be.  Sadly, the effects of global warming and the melting polar caps must have caused some sort of giant glacial shift, whereby these offices fell victim to its path – and were swept away.

On a more positive note, due to the unusually warm weekend, Kirk, Jules and I discovered a perfectly preserved person buried within our office in a block of ice.  After about 6.5 hours chiseling away various ice sculptures, we were able to finally get her out.

Needless to say, her motor and cognitive skills are severely damaged and her identity remains a mystery.  To this point, we’ve gone ahead and given her a temporary nickname, “Encino Woman.”   Although…now that I think about this for a second, it’s kind of weird that whenever we call her “Encino Woman,” she whispers in an almost violent shiver back to us -  “Heat…her.”  Do you think she’s still cold and wants a “heater” or do you think her name is “Heather?”  Regardless, she’ll always be our Encino Woman…

On that note, please let us know if there are any plans on sending help our way.  We’ve been able to stream some Man vs. Wild episodes via internet.  Specifically, Season 4: Episode 1 where Bear Grylls heads for the icy wastes of the Arctic Circle, and tackles a frozen waterfall, hunts wild reindeer and battles against some of the coldest conditions on the planet…so, we’re learning how to make the necessary adjustments to survive.  However, it really would be great if we could receive some portable heaters and avoid using the wood from the couch to make a fire.

Thanks!

Building Manager – Follow Up

I haven’t received a response to my earlier email to the Building Manager yet…and the office is still freezing! So…I thought I’d send him another email today (10.05).

Hi Ted,

I’m not sure if you’ve received my earlier email as I fear the internet wires have frozen over, and the roads leading to our office along the “information super highway” have been detoured.  To that point, I also fear this follow up email may not reach you as well but, since we aren’t equipped with a flair gun or an emergency kit, I will continue to try and reach out to you.

Per my earlier note, we are quickly approaching hyperthermia and our motor skills seem to be diminishing equally as fast.  Jules has lost all coordination in her left extremities and as a result, walks in circles.  Meanwhile, Kirk has completely lost the ability to type with his fingers and has resorted to using his big toe and nose to what can only be described as – “jabbing at the keyboard.” Consequently, all capitalization of letters is completely lost and futile.

With all this, we still remain hopeful.  Largely in part because we believe if a Miami dentist, who inherits a team of sled dogs and can man an iditarod – ala Cuba Gooding Jr. in the feel good 2002 movie, “Snow Dogs”…surely, there must be a rescue team stationed near by that can reach us…?  Perhaps, you can reach out to Paul Walker and his team of dogs for assistance?  As you may recall in 2006, from the heart-tugging and inspirational movie – “Eight Below,” the brutal cold forced 2 Antarctic explorers to leave their sled of dogs behind as they fended for their lives…with only their courage, hope and will to survive.  In turn, so do we…

Again, we are located on the 9th floor in office 9116 — if you get to the March of Penguins, you’ve gone too far.  Additionally, I’ve attached a picture of  myself next to the office in order to better help you find us.

Thanks!

Dear Building Manager

I know, it’s been a while since I’ve written…muh-bad.  Anyway, I created a new category called, “Emails” – and this category is dedicated to emails (work or personal) that are too good not to share!

With that, below is an email sent to Ted, the building manager where I work requesting they do something about working in a freezing office on 09.30.10.

Hi Ted,

I think Kirk and Jules have both reached out to you earlier regarding our office being ridiculously cold.  Is there anything that can be done because we’re about 2 degrees celsius off, and just under 3.5 minutes away from all getting frost bite?

In just typing this email, my hands are so cold that I feel like I’m typing with 10 little ice cubes.   That said, I just gave permission to my office mates to eat me should I freeze to death and they somehow manage to survive.

To give you an indication of how just how cold it is…here are some true and real time facts:

1) I’m currently wearing a t-shirt, a long sleeve shirt and a sweater…and am STILL cold

2) A can of soda has been sitting on my desk the last 2 weeks at room temperature and feels like it’s been in the fridge

Are there any portable space heaters that we can use?  Perhaps some extra scraps of wood laying around from the remodeling being done so we can start a fire…or maybe a blow-torch…flame thrower…or a heating pad at the very least?  We’re getting pretty desperate here and would consider even using lighters or matches…or tobasco sauce.

If you’d like to stop by to experience and understand the phrase, “Cool Alaskan air” first-hand, we’re on the 9th floor in office 9116 (directly across from the glacier that sank the Titanic and just above “Hell Freezing” over).

*Please note,  it’s BYOP (bring your own parka).

Thanks!