Shit List (NYC Edition)

1) Hipsters — this city is infested with these fuggers.  I have never seen so many non-tourist or rednecks in jean or corderoy shorts and/or in plaid than I do here.  Hell, I didnt’ even know they made plaid tank-tops?!?

2) The Humidity + Waiting on the Subway Platforms — the first 5 weeks here, the humidity was beyond ridiculous and elevated to just plain – angry F-U level.  I’m talking about the type of humidity that when you  step outside,  the first thing you say is,  “UGH – WTF!”  To top it off, you’ve gotta to downstairs to take the subway and feel like you’re part of some filthy rat infested stew that Satan himself is cooking.

3) Tow Trucks, Parking Rules/Regulations — there’s nothing better than having your car towed the first night after just receiving it from being transported cross country.  Wait…I lied and I take that back…the only thing that’s better is getting 2 tickets for parking 10 feet from a fire hydrant – when NY law says it needs to be 15 feet and THEN……getting it towed.   BTW – a very close runner up is paying $205 to get the car out of impound and looking forward to paying $230 for the 2 fire hydrant tickets.

4) Craigslist Apartment Postings – my friend made a very good observation about Craigslist…specifically in NY.  In other markets like Chicago or LA, Craigslist is an incredibly useful site and resource.  However, Craigslist for NY has got to be the biggest fuggin’ joke and waste of time!  You’ve got brokers posting their apartment listings  in sections that they shouldn’t be…you’ve got the same listing 200x over – in the wrong neighborhoods but with slightly modified copy…incomplete listings…bottom line, it’s a complete shit show.

5)  Overweight Brooklyn Commuters — pound for pound, the commuters coming in and out of Brooklyn have got to be the heaviest people I’ve ever seen.  I know, I sound like a dick…but these people are like slow moving planets and when you put them in orbit with the “angry F-U level” humidity I noted earlier…you’ll understand.

6)  The Slowest Fast Food Workers with 2 Legs — I don’t get how it could so difficult to take someone’s order, grab the food and drink from the minimum wage cookers in the back, receive and exchange payment, put the food in a bag and hand it to me…all within 4 minutes.  There is no reason it should take 12 mins to complete this transaction…a one legged monkey on crutches could do it in 9.

7) The Mountains of Trash Stacked on the Streets  — I am amazed at how much trash this city accumulates in a day.  Every night, I feel like there is a life-sized replica of either the Rocky, Appalachian, or Swiss Mountains.   It’s both impressive and disgusting at the same time.

8)  $12 Domestic Beer and $13 Cigarettes — The average person drinks 4 beers at a bar so immediately, set aside $52 ($48 for the beers $4 for the tip).  Say you smoke, add $13 and you’re at $65…which is at a minimum.  Factor in cabs…bar hopping and late night eats and…yeah, you’re screwed.

9) Bed Bugs — my first week at my new job they found 2 bed bugs.  So, they closed the office so they could fumigate the building.  Normally I’d be stoked…I mean, day off on a Friday too right?  But…1) It was my first week here and I didn’t get the memo – so woke up early and came to work to find it was closed…and 2) it’s bed bugs…in an office…WTF?!?

10) Having your would be Supervisor (who was also a big influence in relocating and accepting the job)…tell you he’s resigned the first week of work

*OH! And let me give a special honorary mention to World Moving Services (1-888-742-6683) for fuggin’ up EVERY single part of  the transpor process!   Shout outs to Thomas xt.405,  Lamar xt.403,  Danny xt. 311,  Samuel xt. 208 and Cheryl xt. 314